Self-Care, Mindfulness and Boundaries in the Festive Season

Guest-less but certainly not clue-less - our Christmas episode is full of our thoughts about how we can set boundaries during the festive season, how to prioritise enjoyment and use mindfulness to make sure we stay present and focus on looking after ourselves with kindness.

Many people feel overwhelmed during this time of year, anxiety levels rise, we beat ourselves up for eating 'too much' and moving 'too little'. As a consequence we are vulnerable of falling into the 'new year - new diet' trap. 

We talk about how we can stay tuned in to our bodies, how we can be kind to ourselves, how to respond to comments about our bodies or food choices and how to say f* you to diet culture come the new year. 

Hoping this will be helpful for you to take the pressure off yourself and stay in the present, we both wish you a lovely festive season, whether you celebrate or not, wherever you are and whomever you are with. 

We will be back in the new year with tons more episodes and amazing guests!

Take care of yourselves

Christine & Ela 
xxx

Please reach out if you would like some support with your relationship to food OR movement. Ela currently has limited spaces for Intuitive Eating coaching and if you'd like to reconnect with movement, contact Christine.

AND if you enjoyed this episode, please share and follow the 'Find Your Strong podcast' and if you have time, write us a short review. It would honestly mean the world. Love to you all, Ela & Christine x

Transcript

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Christine Chessman: So welcome to another episode of the find. Your strong podcast today is a bit of a seasonal one, a jingle.

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Ela Law: Jungly, jangly. Holly, jolly.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, this is, it's heading towards Christmas 2024. If you're listening to this later on, and we just thought we'd we'd come along and talk to you about Christmas. It's a time I don't know how you're feeling, Ella, but certainly a lot of my clients are feeling quite overwhelmed, quite stressed.

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Christine Chessman: Quite put upon no motivation to move whatsoever.

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Christine Chessman: Just worried in general, a bit stressed, a bit overwhelmed, and not feeling at ease.

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Christine Chessman: Don't know how you're feeling.

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Ela Law: Well, me personally, I'm I'm not a Fan of Christmas, and please.

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Christine Chessman: Staying.

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Ela Law: Spoiled rotten eggs at me at this point. I really don't. I don't like the whole.

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Ela Law: I like the idea of it, but I don't like how it's executed so.

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Christine Chessman: Okay.

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Ela Law: In this country in general, I think it's just very commercial. It's very. There's a lot of pressure, and it just doesn't sit right with me this whole. Oh, you have to do this on that particular day. I think it's probably part of me being told what to do, and I don't like that very much. So yeah, I don't like being prescribed jollity and merriness

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Ela Law: when it comes to those kind of holidays, but that's just me, and I don't want to take any of the joy away from anyone who's listening to this. Let me take my bar humbug hat off, and just let's talk about the issues that surround Christmas, really. And like you, I've got clients who find it very, very hard, and I think the key word there is overwhelm. And I think when you're overwhelmed.

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Ela Law: you know you don't want to move. You don't want to do anything. You don't want to think about what to eat. You don't want to. You're just functioning, aren't you? You're just sort of going through the motions a lot.

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Christine Chessman: Absolutely. And I think that's where a lot of folks are at the minute.

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Christine Chessman: And I don't. You know, I think you're right. It's take the pressure off yourself to feel like you should be happy all the time in December, because it is a really hard time, and for many people who have lost loved ones over this time of year. It's especially hard.

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Christine Chessman: And I think, you know, I do think there's a bit of magic about Christmas, but only once I've stopped working, and I'm sitting on the sofa eating chocolate. Then I'm.

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Christine Chessman: And that doesn't happen until you know, I can just see in front of me. There's a lot of work to be done before I can actually.

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Ela Law: Hmm.

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Christine Chessman: And then, because we're going away to visit family, I'm a bit stressed about that. So it's just.

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Ela Law: There's a lot of things to get, you know.

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Christine Chessman: I don't know. There's a lot of things that dysregulate us at this time of year, and I think if you struggle with body image. If you struggle with your relationship to food and body, especially if you're going to go see family members who may comment on your body. It's a really tough time, really tough time.

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Ela Law: You're so right. So if you have any clients that do struggle with that, do you give them any advice? What would you say to them. For example, what you just said, I think, is so important is the seeing family members that you may not see the rest of the year that you haven't seen for a while. How do you? What do you suggest? People do when they have someone commenting on their weight or on their food choices.

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Ela Law: How would you sort of approach that with your clients? Or what would you do yourself if you had someone.

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Christine Chessman: I mean, I think it's hard, isn't it? And I think it's okay to feel that it's hard. I think I would just kindly say, Oh, I just want to enjoy my dinner, or, yeah, I've got a good appetite. Somebody says, Oh, you've got a big appetite. Oh, yeah, I was hungry and unapologetically.

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Ela Law: No.

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Christine Chessman: What is wrong with somebody being hungry. All we are doing are responding to our bodies cues, and actually enjoying the taste, the smells, everything about

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Christine Chessman: food which is applied, which is part of the joy of life, of food. Food is not just fuel, there's so much more to it, and that coming together with family and sharing food at the dinner table, that's all part of it. If somebody comments on my body.

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Christine Chessman: I struggle, and that's me as somebody who's done a lot of work on it. I would really really struggle, and I would have to sit with that and understand that that is coming more from the person's insecurity about their own situation

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Christine Chessman: done about mine. And it's getting back to the idea of self acceptance and trusting your body, which is so hard to do, but knowing that if you are eating in a way where you're responding to your body's cues, and you're nourishing yourself, and you're being kind to yourself, your body will take care of it, and has taken care of it, and it's exactly where it needs to be

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Christine Chessman: at this moment. I think that's just reinforcing that a million times a day is not

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Christine Chessman: enough. But and another thing, I would just I would talk to somebody about it because it can be really hard. And what you don't want to do is have a comment. Throw you off. If you started an intuitive eating journey, and somebody says something. People should not comment on other people's bodies, and I'll never, ever comment on somebody's body, please. But if somebody has commented on yours.

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Christine Chessman: you know it's it would be so sad to let that move you from the work that you have done around your own relationship with movement and your body. So one thing that helps me is to get into my body and move.

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Christine Chessman: and just just see how your body moves. Connect to your body. Be kind to your body. Know that your body's working super hard for you, and doing everything that it should and is doing a great job, and that you're where you should be at this moment.

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Christine Chessman: Sorry.

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Christine Chessman: Run over.

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Ela Law: Oh, no, that's beautiful! I love that. And I think that is so important to actually be back. Pull yourself back into the present and into your body, rather than sort of ruminate, and let it spiral in your head, which is very easily done, and I think you just said something that made me think it is very. It can be very difficult when you're at

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Ela Law: the early stages of your non-diet exploration, because it's so fresh still, and it feels very fragile and literally anything that you hear someone say to you, or you overhear can throw you and make you feel. Oh, my goodness, you know I'm you know I'm not doing this right, or I'm bad, or I. You know I'm feeling the

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Ela Law: old feelings of guilt and shame come up again, and, as you said, I think it's really important to approach that with kindness and be kind to yourself, because you can't stop other people from making comments.

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Ela Law: But you can learn how to

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Ela Law: respond to those comments. You can either let it dictate how you feel and what you do next, or you can respond with kindness and with actually, I'm going to sit with that. I'm going to allow that person to say those things, but I'm not going to let it affect me, and I think that's a place where you get to a little bit further on. I think initially, it can be really, really hard. So I feel like

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Ela Law: there is. There is a place where setting some boundaries, maybe even in advance of meeting anybody, might be quite helpful. I don't know what you think, but I feel like I feel very strongly that if you anticipate a particular relative or family, member or friend, who always does this kind of thing, comment on body or food choices.

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Ela Law: It might be really helpful to

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Ela Law: contact them in advance and set a boundary, or when you see them to say, Look.

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Ela Law: I'm doing this work. I don't want to have any conversation about this, or when they say something to

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Ela Law: come back to them with something like with a I don't want to talk about it. Can we change the subject, or something like that, but doing something in advance? Maybe even writing, it might be quite. It obviously depends on the person, but it might be a really good way of not even getting to the situation where you have to deal with it. If you say in advance, look, I do not want to talk about this.

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Ela Law: Could you respect my wish? And could we talk about other things when we see each other.

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Ela Law: That's that's really lovely. And I think if you're able to do that, I think that's.

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Christine Chessman: I could possibly do that with close family like.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: I don't know like my brother, or you know, but I couldn't do it with more like my answer. My! I would really struggle with that I would feel like it. They would take it the wrong way.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: And they'd get yeah, I'm just too much of a people pleaser to do that. So I.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: So I think that is a great way. If you can.

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Ela Law: If you can. That's what I mean. I think it's not not an option in a lot of situations, and sometimes you just have to sort of

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Ela Law: deal with with it when it comes up, but with very close family or friends, it might be worth considering that it really is very subjective and very.

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Ela Law: you know, individual, where you can do those kind of things.

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Ela Law: But yeah, when you're in the situation, would you generally respond in a in a sweet or in a salty way, when someone makes a comment? Or would you just have to take yourself away.

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Christine Chessman: Probably. Yeah, probably have to take myself away.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: So. And and I think, you know, it's

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Christine Chessman: it's just getting a bit of space from it all.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: You know. If you can, if you're feeling a bit feisty, great.

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Ela Law: I'm just.

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Christine Chessman: Say, well, you know just I don't know. How would you respond.

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Ela Law: I don't know. I think it just depends. Again. It's very individual, isn't it? It depends on you as a person. It depends on the person you're talking to. I know that there are some people who would be mortally offended if I if I got back to them with a like please don't say that to me, so you might just want to change a subject literally on the spot. Oh, hasn't the weather been awful, you know? That's very British, isn't it?

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Christine Chessman: That's good.

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Ela Law: Oh.

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Ela Law: or you could. If you want to take yourself away, you just say, Oh, I think my, I can feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Let me just take that call, and just.

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Christine Chessman: So I just need a way.

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Ela Law: I just need a wee. Oh, yeah, oh, sorry. Someone wants my attention. If you're you know there's all sorts of ways where you don't have to confront somebody.

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Christine Chessman: And maybe you know, if they do say something like, Oh, you've put on weight, maybe. Say, and.

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Ela Law: Yeah. And your point is.

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Christine Chessman: And what sorry, and.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Because that's challenging them. You know what is.

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Ela Law: What is your point?

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Christine Chessman: What we exactly. Why is that for you to comment on?

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Christine Chessman: Why are you commenting on that? I would really that would probably, if somebody said that it would really want to direct that back at them and go well, what.

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Ela Law: That's a good one.

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Ela Law: And question, mark.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, I like that.

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Christine Chessman: And if somebody says, Oh, you look great, have you lost weight.

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Ela Law: Oh, yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Say to that one.

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Ela Law: Oh, same. And

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Ela Law: question, Mark, what's your point? Why is that important to you? It's interesting, isn't it? Because I think that one is an interesting one, because part of us will always feel like Oh, thank you.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah.

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Ela Law: Because diet mentality is so ingrained in our brain that we think, oh, that must clearly be a good thing if someone gives us a compliment. So I think just being mindful of those kind of traps as well, is important.

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Christine Chessman: I often say if somebody says that to me now,

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Christine Chessman: I'll just sort of say, Oh, that's a shame, because I really wasn't wanting to.

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Ela Law: Hmm.

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Christine Chessman: Don't want to, and I'm not. That's absolutely.

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Christine Chessman: Growth. Cause. That's not where I'm at in my, I wanna.

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Ela Law: Yes.

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Christine Chessman: Really well to nourish my body and to make sure I've got enough food. So if I'm losing weight, that's not

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Christine Chessman: where I wanna be right now. So.

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Ela Law: No.

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Christine Chessman: Again. That's challenging the person.

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Christine Chessman: To kind of to go. Oh, she doesn't want. Do you know what I mean?

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Christine Chessman: It's

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Christine Chessman: it's just. It's just such a funny thing. Because I was in a taxi today with a lovely taxi driver, slight tangent. But she was like, we're talking about fitness. And I said, Oh, I'm a fitness trainer, and I'm exhausted

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Christine Chessman: Christmas and I'm going around everywhere. And she said, Oh, I keep trying fitness, but just can't lose weight.

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Ela Law: And.

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Christine Chessman: It just is.

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Ela Law: So.

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Christine Chessman: Like.

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Christine Chessman: But and I said, Oh, but how do you feel when you move? Oh, yeah, I really enjoy walking. It really clears my head, and I feel, you know, and it's that.

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Christine Chessman: It's always about the way, isn't it? So that.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: And and at Christmas, when you're saying family and friends that you haven't seen for a long time, everybody's body changes in some way or the other. So there it's right place.

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Ela Law: Okay.

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Christine Chessman: And I think being forearmed is being forewarned or forear.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: For arms.

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Christine Chessman: If you think there's a chance this might happen, then you're you're prepared for it, and you're not caught off guard.

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Ela Law: Absolutely.

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Christine Chessman: That's quite nice.

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Ela Law: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

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Christine Chessman: And how do we so over the Christmas period, when when food, food, and drink is flowing, how do we not beat ourselves up

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Christine Chessman: so differently from other podcasts. How do we not overindulge? No, no, we not beat ourselves up.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Food and maybe wine. If we're drinking, how do we not beat ourselves up over this period.

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Ela Law: A 1 million dollar question. I think

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Ela Law: it's a complex one, because there's there's so much to it, isn't there? There is the whole point of

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Ela Law: do we have to? And I use this in air quotes overindulge only because it's Christmas, or can we maybe enjoy our food just like every other time of the year

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Ela Law: by listening to our internal cues, by picking foods that bring us joy by not eating when we're emotional by not using food in a way that sort of distracts us or numbs us all of those things that around intuitive eating they're also applicable to the Christmas season.

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Ela Law: I think what I'm trying to say is, yes. If you

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Ela Law: eat more than feels good over Christmas, it's very likely that that will happen, because we're going out for that many meals. We're having food sort of on display. We're going to friends, houses where we've been fed. Sometimes it's difficult to say no to something if someone made us food, but there is.

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Ela Law: there is still. Intuitive eating still applies. You can still say no. You can still choose to eat or not to eat. You can still listen to when you're full, or when you're hungry. Do you see what I mean? It's this thing that I find a little bit

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Ela Law: frustrating that we automatically assume only because it's Christmas. We're all going to turn into eating machines when that isn't really necessary. We don't need to skip 3 meals because we're going out for a meal in the evening. We can eat our dinner out, but we can stop when we're full, and we can take the rest home if we want to, or we leave it on our plate.

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Ela Law: And then, you know, it's all of those little oh, the little black dress diet! So you know it's

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Ela Law: and.

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Christine Chessman: Customary to diet before Christmas, so that you can enjoy Christmas. I'm not. That's why embarrassed because.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: You know I see Christmas exactly that. I don't eat more than usual. I might have more chocolates, because they're all over the place, and that's the joy of it. Maybe a little bit more wine here and there. That's it's not a I don't go out to think. Oh, I can stuff myself.

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Ela Law: And drink.

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Christine Chessman: I can wake up and drink, and that's not what I

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Christine Chessman: cause. I don't. I know that I won't figure.

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Christine Chessman: I know that I won't feel good afterwards.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Wanna I don't wanna wake up in Boxing Day and feel rubbish or the next I wanna feel good and enjoy the holidays.

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Ela Law: Exactly.

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Christine Chessman: That's why. Then I think about how my body feels, and.

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Christine Chessman: I'm full.

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Ela Law: Awesome.

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Christine Chessman: Hungry, and today was a great example. I was out all morning. I did a boot camp. I ate breakfast early at 7, and then I did. A boot camp went for a meeting which lasted long time.

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Christine Chessman: and at one Pm. Maybe about half one. I had some lunch.

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Christine Chessman: I act so quickly, Ella. I shoved that food in.

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Christine Chessman: I was so hungry, and then had a bit of a tummy ache.

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Ela Law: Yeah, I'm surprised.

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Christine Chessman: You know your body is like, please give me some food. Give me

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Christine Chessman: you give it food, and it's like.

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Ela Law: Yeah, absolutely.

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Christine Chessman: Girl.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: The natural thing. It's very hard to be mindful around your food when you are ravenous.

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Ela Law: Absolutely. And I think this is exactly. This is a great example, because a lot of people do that during the Christmas period by skipping meals, but on purpose, not because they were in a long meeting, but they know that they're going out in the evening, so they're not having lunch, and then they're ravenous. Come, come dinner time. They might get very drunk on 2 drinks, because they haven't eaten all day, and I think the whole thing about this free for all around. Christmas is then leading you to.

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Christine Chessman: Thank you to be sucked into diet mentality come the New year, this whole.

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Christine Chessman: and fitness, culture and diet culture by my program body.

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Ela Law: Totally.

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Christine Chessman: Transformation. 4 week January transformation. So all for it. It's crap just.

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Ela Law: Absolutely. But but that's what happens right? We eat more than we need or want. We don't move at all. So we think, Oh, that's okay. Come, January, I can make up for it. But if you move and eat intuitively during the Christmas period, you don't have that need. You don't need to buy a stupid program that doesn't work. You don't need to do anything differently, because you have been looking after yourself throughout the

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Ela Law: whole festive season, so there's no need to fix something right.

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Christine Chessman: That's exactly it. And it's I mean, that's easy to say, isn't it? It's really oh, it's hard not to fall for the freaking

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Christine Chessman: commercial

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Christine Chessman: bullshit that you know we are always. I don't know at this point, you know, we were talking about aging before we started. The

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Christine Chessman: it's very easy to get sucked in this miracle. Cream will.

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Ela Law: Oh, my God!

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Christine Chessman: You look 10 years younger, or this will help you feel better. This will make your skin smoother. This will, you know it's it's always about being different and not accepting yourself as you are. It's totally all of it is totally fine. Take care of yourself, make yourself feel good. Whether that's.

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Ela Law: Lips.

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Christine Chessman: That, get.

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Ela Law: You know.

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Christine Chessman: On. Whatever makes you feel good is absolutely.

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Ela Law: You find.

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Christine Chessman: Asking yourself, why are you doing it?

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Ela Law: -

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Christine Chessman: Are you doing it? Because you you like to present in a certain way, or you enjoy okay

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Christine Chessman: makeup. And feeling a certain way, are you doing it because you don't feel.

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Christine Chessman: Quite enough as you are, and I think that's what January is all about. To me. The fitness industry is like, yeah, you're not. Your body isn't right. Come to me. I'll sort you out. Pay me lots of money.

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Christine Chessman: I'll promise you these results, and I think.

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Ela Law: I guess.

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Christine Chessman: Course we're going to fall for it because we're beaten down and we feel

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Christine Chessman: our bodies aren't good enough. We've put weight on, which means we have failed. We need to spread it out. We need to.

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Ela Law: Perfect.

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Christine Chessman: Problem.

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Christine Chessman: And there is no problem.

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Ela Law: No, absolutely not. And yeah, this is, this is an artificially produced

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Ela Law: problem that doesn't actually exist other than in marketing terms.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: How can we? How can we say F you to diet culture over Christmas?

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Ela Law: Stick 2 fingers up at it. I don't know. It's, I think, generally

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Ela Law: one thing to do is just be kind to yourself, be compassionate, and try and be a little bit more mindful about what choices you make, what you do, how you move, how you eat. I think that in and of itself can be really, really helpful, because it taps into your body's wisdom. If you are mindful, and you think about and feel into what's going on in your body, and you think about what's going on

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Ela Law: around you. You know all the stress, all of the overwhelm, the hectic kind of life. During that period, I think, having a moment of

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Ela Law: tuning in and being mindful, can be really really helpful, and that then, can help you, maybe not

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Ela Law: eat more than feels good, and not make you feel

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Ela Law: almost unwell with the amount of food and drink you've had, and it might get you to get up and stretch because you feel your body needs a little bit of

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Ela Law: a little bit of movement. I think it's being present is helpful not to criticize yourself, but it's also really helpful to tap into what you need. So.

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Christine Chessman: Being being mindful, but not trolling of yourself.

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Christine Chessman: So you know, being mindful of what you're eating with like controlling what you're eating.

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Ela Law: Controlling, for sure.

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Christine Chessman: Do you know what I mean?

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Ela Law: Yes.

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Christine Chessman: And say, Yeah, I'm quite full. But actually, I really want another chocolate, that's, you know, no one.

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Ela Law: Fine.

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Christine Chessman: You're full. But you want another bit of chocolate. So that's okay. Yeah.

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Ela Law: Have it. But then

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Ela Law: notice what happens when you have that other chocolate, and you might think, oh, that was the most delicious thing ever, or you might feel actually it. Now I feel a little bit over full.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah.

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Ela Law: I don't know what's going to happen when people eat chocolate, but I think it's all about noticing what's going on, and also give you. So give yourself permission to eat what you want and how much you want, but also give yourself permission not to do that, and I think that's a crucial one that we often think. Oh, if you give yourself permission not to eat, that's like diet, speak, but it's not. It's your choice, the choice

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Ela Law: that you make that is based on how you feel, and having permission not to eat something.

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Ela Law: especially in this season, where you've been having food thrown at you at every possible opportunity to say, actually, no, thank you. I don't really want that mince pie right now.

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Ela Law: That's that's also okay.

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Christine Chessman: I think it's it's similar to the give yourself permission not to wear the shorts.

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Christine Chessman: Oh, wear the shorts campaign. Yeah, that doesn't mean you. You have amazing confidence and self esteem. If you wear the shorts.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: You know it's great we need that bring it on. I love to see people wearing shorts who previously wouldn't have felt confident to do so on our own thing than taking up space. Love it, love it, love it, but.

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Ela Law: Don't feel ready to do that. Or it's just not for you that's okay, too, that doesn't mean, you have failed on the kind of accepting your body tour. It's it's totally.

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Christine Chessman: It's your choice, and it's giving your self permission to tune in and see what you need, what you want, what works for you.

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Christine Chessman: Not everybody else. What works for you?

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Ela Law: Absolutely.

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Christine Chessman: Hard.

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Ela Law: Absolutely, it is hard, it is hard. But yeah, I think tapping into what brings you joy, what is enjoyable for you, and as soon as you feel like, actually. No, I'm not liking this.

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Ela Law: That's kind of an alarm bell, isn't it? If you're really not liking something, it be that wearing the shorts. Be that doing a particular workout? Be that eating something that you're not enjoying, that that should at least make you stop and pause and think actually, do I want to do this or not?

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Christine Chessman: Oh, you're so wise!

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Ela Law: So were you. Look at us.

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Christine Chessman: But the only I think we we're we can talk about it because we've been there, and we.

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Ela Law: Yes.

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Christine Chessman: Go there. It's not like our brains are suddenly like so amazing. We're not, you know. We still have times where we struggle, and I think it's.

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Ela Law: Absolutely.

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Christine Chessman: But you've got the tools. We've got the tools. Now and

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Christine Chessman: please find yourself, some podcasts find some books find some mantras, whatever journal about it

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Christine Chessman: makes you feel good. And those moments where you're really struggling.

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Christine Chessman: Your body image, for example, just find something that helps you in that moment. Have your have your little toolkit nearby.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: And and we'll be thinking about you the whole time.

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Ela Law: We will absolutely. Yeah. I second, that. I think there's quite a lot of lovely Instagram accounts that have brilliant reminders for this particular time of year, so seek those out, and and just have a daily little dose of that. If you're struggling for sure.

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Christine Chessman: Exactly.

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Christine Chessman: I mean, he makes some recommendations in the show notes.

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Ela Law: Yeah, that's a good idea. We'll do that. Okay.

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Ela Law: Great.

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Christine Chessman: Happy, Christmas, everybody.

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Ela Law: Yes, have a lovely, lovely, festive time, and we'll see you. No, we won't see them. They will see us and hear us.

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Christine Chessman: Yes. Yeah.

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Ela Law: Very soon.

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Christine Chessman: Exciting.

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Ela Law: Okay? Bye.

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Christine Chessman: Bye.