Rebooting, Reframing, Re-evaluating - Ease into the New Year

Happy 2025 everyone! 

To start the new year, we had a great chat about how we can set goals in a sustainable way 

We also talked about
- new year's resolutions and how we have full permission to opt out of making any
- how we can set more sustainable goals and not get sucked into quick-fix 'solutions'
- how weight is unhelpful as a focus in order to improve your wellbeing
- the importance of being kind to ourselves during diet season (and all year round, really!)

We hope you find the conversation useful for navigating the diet/weight-loss/'new year - new you' narrative and would love to hear from you if you have any comments, thoughts or want to work with either of us. 

Please reach out if you would like some support with your relationship to food OR movement. Ela currently has limited spaces for Intuitive Eating coaching and if you'd like to reconnect with movement, contact Christine.

AND if you enjoyed this episode, please share and follow the 'Find Your Strong podcast' and if you have time, write us a short review. It would honestly mean the world. Love to you all, Ela & Christine x

Transcript

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Christine Chessman: So welcome to another episode of the find your strong podcast in 2025. This is our 1st one of

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Christine Chessman: hives.

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Ela Law: Happy New Year, then.

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Christine Chessman: I know right, if it's like.

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Ela Law: It's weird. It feels like this year's been going a long time.

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Christine Chessman: January and January has 53 days, I think I know at least

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Christine Chessman: And today we were kind of chatting about. What should we talk about, and I think rebooting after the holidays is a really good one, and we were also just chatting about reframing our goals for 2025. So I don't know about you, Ella. But do you make resolutions in the New Year.

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Ela Law: Not anymore. I used to. I used to like a resolution. I like the New Year. I like the new beginning, because I suppose, partly because I really hate Christmas, and I'm always glad when that's over, and I can start again.

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Ela Law: And yeah, I don't know. I always thought that January is like a time to kind of

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Ela Law: have new ideas and to try something new. But I don't really do that anymore. I feel like.

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Ela Law: and I don't know why it is exactly. I think it's got something to do with the fact that

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Ela Law: I'm quite content throughout most of the year, and I do things as and when they arise a lot more, and I say probably say yes to things more now than I used to, so I don't feel like. I don't feel the need to set myself any goals at the beginning of the year, and also in the past. I don't know about you, but I said, loads of goals, and then about 80% of them I never actually got to or failed at, or whatever you want to call it. So it was a bit of a

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Ela Law: sort of disappointing exercise. Really.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah. And I mean New Year's resolutions. It really turns me off. Actually, I don't. I don't.

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Christine Chessman: I mean, I think for some people it's a good way to kick. Start them if they're thinking about moving their body a bit more, or starting a running program for some people. It's it's the kickstart they need. But

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Christine Chessman: I see too often people thinking right. I've eaten too much. I've drunk too much, my clothes feeling tight. I need to lose weight I need to, you know, and so they do all the things they buy a program. They do all the things by February. They're exhausted, injured, burnt out. Don't want to move ever again in their life, you know. Just comfort eating because they're depressed.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, I met.

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Christine Chessman: you know, and that is not any fault of theirs, and that is something I want to underline. That is, we're being mis sold. We're being Mis. Sold, you know, ways out of feeling a bit low after Christmas. Here's your way out, you know. Here's your get your dream body. Get your feel amazing blah blah.

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Christine Chessman: and because it's sexy and it sells.

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Ela Law: Yeah, absolutely the number of times I've heard people say, Oh, come the New Year. I've got to sort myself out. I've got to, you know, got to be healthier. I've got to be thinner. I've got to move more. I mean, it's brilliant if your goal is to move more.

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Ela Law: But it's diet culture that always ties it to weight. And that's what makes it unsustainable. And it's a curious thing, isn't it, that people do it every blooming January.

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Ela Law: If you ask people who go on a diet in January, they do it every year.

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Ela Law: which is a sign of I don't know.

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Christine Chessman: It's not working.

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Ela Law: No, it's not working, and it's a sign of us being sold, something that just doesn't work.

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Christine Chessman: And it's like that. Who is benefiting from this? Who is making millions of pounds.

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Ela Law: Exactly.

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Christine Chessman: From us being made to feel insecure about what is it completely if we have relaxed? If if we have eaten a bit more than usual. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we our bodies actually needed that.

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Christine Chessman: Comfort, or that.

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Christine Chessman: Food or that sort of time with friends or restful time. So come January, what we just then start punishing ourselves and beating ourselves with sticks and.

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Christine Chessman: You know it's almost like you're wrong. If you enjoyed yourself.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Had some fun. That is wrong. How dare you get off the sofa? Let's go, you know, and it's I'm a great believer in movement. I move every day. For me. It's about stress relief, but I also don't believe in punishing yourself.

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Ela Law: Wow!

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Christine Chessman: And if you

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Christine Chessman: going to start a new regime, start slow, gently, ease yourself in. Make sure you have an accountability, Buddy, or somebody, to go to the gym with, or somebody to go walks with. Make it fun. Don't start a crazy regime where you're at the gym 5 days a week

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Christine Chessman: that you are going to be absolutely burnt out by the end of the month. That's my advice, my.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Ela Law: Oh, yeah, that sounds like very, very wise advice. Have you ever done that? Then? Have you ever sort of in the past

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Ela Law: kind of use, January, to punish yourself for.

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Christine Chessman: Hi.

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Ela Law: The sins, and I'm using air quotes here of

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Ela Law: of December or the whole year. Really, what.

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Christine Chessman: Well, to be honest, I haven't. You know why I haven't, because I was in such a strict regime of eating and moving that I never let myself relax over Christmas.

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Ela Law: Right, right.

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Christine Chessman: That wasn't even an option. So

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Christine Chessman: and I think that's very sad when I think back about it. And you know, because it's

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Christine Chessman: the thing is, we were talking about this before Christmas. If you eat intuitively you don't need to go.

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Christine Chessman: I'm gonna eat what I want because we can do that all year round, which is quite lovely. But I was the other extreme where it was. I'm strict all year round, so there's no there's no cheat days, there's no let up.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: So. So now it's such a nice place to be in, because

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Christine Chessman: I think a lot of people have that feeling. I can eat what I want over Christmas. But then in January I've got to restrict restrict, whereas if you're an intuitive eater or an intuitive mover, it is like you're you can eat what you want any time of the year.

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Christine Chessman: Any day of the week.

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Christine Chessman: That you have full permission to eat.

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Christine Chessman: What you want to eat, which is quite a

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Christine Chessman: mind blowing thing for people, isn't it?

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Ela Law: Oh, absolutely it is. And you're so right. I think it is

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Ela Law: one of those things that you only notice when you get to a place where food isn't the enemy anymore, and you can take it or leave it. You don't

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Ela Law: eat just because it's Christmas you eat because you fancy it, and you're hungry, and it's something that you want, and you don't feel guilty and bad about it, because I think this whole New Year new. You narrative is all based on the premise that you have been bad.

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Ela Law: Yes, and therefore.

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Ela Law: for you need to be better, you need to at least be seen that you're trying to be better, or do the things that society and diet culture things are the things that make us good. So it sort of adds this whole morality into it, doesn't it? It's like you were bad. But you can redeem yourself by eating whatever meal plan they're selling you basically and exercising in whatever way that plan is telling you to exercise.

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Christine Chessman: And you know we've the science is there that this kind of yo-yoing, with our weight even a range of 7 to 10 pounds is very dangerous for our health. You know we talk about the stigmatizing the weight stigma that is everywhere. Actually, that is as dangerous as being in. You know the high Bmi, that everybody sort of.

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Christine Chessman: Warns us about. It's actually very dangerous to yo-yo up and down consistently. There's lots of different sort of implications or long term consequences of that which are never spoken about.

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Ela Law: No.

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Christine Chessman: No one tells you that.

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Christine Chessman: No, and it's that is mainly because people give themselves a little bit of permission over Christmas.

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Christine Chessman: And or certain times of the year when we're pregnant or anything we're allowed to eat, and then immediately you feel this guilt, this shame.

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Christine Chessman: So your weight is constantly going up and down. Your metabolism is getting kicked in the ass, never going to feel amazing. You're just always. It's shame based, isn't it? Shame, based eating and dieting and restricting? And

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Christine Chessman: the permission we give ourselves is never actual permission. It's no.

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Ela Law: It's not unconditional, is it? It is a permission with a caveat, with a

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Ela Law: Yeah, but you have to redeem yourself some other way. Then, you know, you can eat that, but that means you have to exercise more, or you can eat that. But tomorrow you can't eat anything, or you know those kind of excuses, the pseudo permission.

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Christine Chessman: And so what if somebody? What if somebody does want to

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Christine Chessman: move differently in the New Year.

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Ela Law: Hmm.

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Christine Chessman: So this is this is something we've also been talking about. It's up, you know.

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Christine Chessman: sometimes, for it's a new start you're saying. January is a new start, and for some people it's a really nice time to think.

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Christine Chessman: I want to get into movement.

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Christine Chessman: There is. No, I think I applaud that. I think that's great. If that is the kickstart you need

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Christine Chessman: fantastic. All I would say is, be a bit cautious about any programs that you purchase, or if anything is trying to sell you a different body and

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Christine Chessman: months, or 8 weeks, or 5 weeks, or walk, walk very quickly away.

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Christine Chessman: And it's not. It's not real, and it's not authentic. And it's not true. I don't.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: It's a lie. Basically, they're selling us a lie

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Christine Chessman: because it's not sustainable. Any program that says it's going to completely change your body within 5 weeks is not going to be sustainable for the long term.

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Christine Chessman: so you may lose weight absolutely. But but what happens then?

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Ela Law: You won't keep it off.

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Christine Chessman: No.

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Ela Law: Bye.

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Christine Chessman: Then you'll then you'll shame yourself for putting the weight back on when it's not your fault. You're being sold a lie by these fitness and diet companies. So I would say to people, if you are thinking of.

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Christine Chessman: you know a new regime in January, just take your time. Do your research. Find somebody that you gel with you like their ethos. You like, how they talk about other people's bodies and how they talk about fitness. So just

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Christine Chessman: you know how they make you feel when you do one of their workouts? Do you feel good afterwards, or do you feel shamed or not? Good.

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Christine Chessman: good enough for you

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Christine Chessman: shouldn't be so. It's all about finding that rapport with an instructor, or with a online platform or a gym that you feel comfortable in, and that you

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Christine Chessman: but helps you feel good about yourself as you are.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Sorry soapbox over, and I hope.

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Ela Law: No, I love that. I think you're so right. I think that is such an important part, isn't it? To find somebody that you feel gets you, and that you feel comfortable with, and someone that doesn't make you feel bad about your body, or what you're doing, and sort of punishes you with exercise and restriction. I think I mean to be honest with you.

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Ela Law: I have no problem with anybody setting a goal like that. I want to move more. I want to eat more nourishing foods. I shy away from using healthier foods, but that's probably more the kind of language that people use. What does that.

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Christine Chessman: Evelyn triple a says nutrient dense.

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Ela Law: Nutrient dense. Yeah, I often use that. It's a little bit scientific, isn't it? So let's just call it healthier foods for argument's sake, because that's what most people would say. There's nothing wrong with that. I think most of us can probably benefit from moving our bodies more from adding some nutrient, dense, nutritious, healthy foods, like fruits and veg and fiber, rich foods, and maybe some protein to our diet.

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Ela Law: There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. And in fact, it might actually help you to feel better. But we kind of need to look at it from a holistic point of view. As well. You know, we're talking about diet and exercise. But maybe another focus can be or goal, if you want to call it, that is to look at your stress levels. Look at your sleep. Are you actually drinking enough fluids during the day? Those are really basic things that we completely

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Ela Law: ignore, but that can have such a massive impact on how we feel. There you go! Well done. I don't have my glass of water here, so I need to practice what I preach, but it's those. It's those kind of things that of course, they're very likely to make you feel better.

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Ela Law: But they don't have to focus on weight. And I think that's the problem that everybody is selling you a program at the moment, and it is all about weight. You need to lose weight. I want to lose weight. I need to sort myself out. My clothes have gone too tight, and it's about that.

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Ela Law: and that's the thing that makes it unsustainable. If you find a way of tuning in. When you move. When you eat, when you sleep, when you drink

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Ela Law: you will notice the difference, and you don't want to go back because you will feel better, you will feel more energized. All of those benefits will be there.

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Ela Law: But if you, if you sort of have in mind the weight loss.

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Ela Law: and that fails which it inevitably will.

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Ela Law: You're just going to give all of those good habits that you might have created up because you think? Oh, it's not going to work. It's not working, anyway, is it?

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Ela Law: Does that make sense? Because if you focus just on the weight loss that's not sustainable. That's not going to last. Therefore, if you, if you then think all of those things that I've started doing are complete a waste, complete waste of time. You're not getting the benefits from all of those things.

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Christine Chessman: Exactly.

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Ela Law: Right.

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Christine Chessman: Is that? And what are you getting? Just

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Christine Chessman: just shaming yourself and feeling a bit more.

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Ela Law: Okay.

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Christine Chessman: Rubbish afterwards. But Evan.

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Ela Law: Okay.

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Christine Chessman: But I agree, it's in terms of movement. I I you know, I follow this amazing person. And actually, she's been on the podcast. Jill Angie, who's she's not your average runner, so that.

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Ela Law: I am Instagram Handle, and she was talking about the fact that why are we always striving.

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Christine Chessman: Why can we not just

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Christine Chessman: so, in terms of running or movement? Why can't we just run and not always be striving to get better to get faster, to go further to.

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Christine Chessman: Why, what is wrong with just meeting your fans and going for a run once, twice, 3 times a week, whatever you're able to do.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: How nice is that just to run? And you might find that you're able to run a bit more easily the more you do it. Of course you will. Yeah, it's just about it doesn't always have to be striving for something to make ourselves better, to do, better, do more to.

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Christine Chessman: You know what I mean? Whitely, yeah, I'm yeah.

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Christine Chessman: If you're moving at the minute, and you're enjoying that, that's okay. Yeah.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: That's okay. You don't have to keep doing more and more more. And it's you know, I think it's if you're not feeling good in your body, and you're not moving your body. That's different. But if you're already moving.

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Christine Chessman: And you don't know. It's okay to just go for a run, not time yourself. Go slow and look around and enjoy it. That's okay.

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Christine Chessman: And I think it's always like, oh, what's your Pb, are you training for a 10 K. Oh, you're going to do a half, Marathon, are, you gonna know you can do these things if that is, you know, if you're driven to do that, and that is a goal that you've had for a long time.

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Ela Law: I'm talking.

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Christine Chessman: But it is also absolutely valid to not have those running goals

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Christine Chessman: and to have your goal as just to keep running.

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Ela Law: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And we were saying off mic earlier, that that can be a goal in and of itself, it doesn't have to be this end result. It can just be the process of doing it can be a goal just doing it is enough. It's just. I think it's a sign of society, isn't it, that we always have to strive? We always have to better ourselves. We always have to improve, and we're just never content with where we are when I say that to my clients, and they

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Ela Law: literally every single client at some stage will say to me.

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Ela Law: Oh, I thought I would have cracked it by now. I thought I would have done it by now this intuitive eating thing.

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Ela Law: and then I sort of

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Ela Law: pedal back a little bit and tell them, well, you're now doing this, and this is happening to you. And this is what you just shared with me. And and they look at all of those little shifts that have occurred and that they have made happen. They're like, Oh, oh, okay. And I said, how would it feel to just take that in, as

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Ela Law: I'm quite happy to to just stay here for a while, because

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Ela Law: I there's no shiny object at the end, and that in and of itself is a goal that you. You are in a much better relationship with food. Now you feel a lot more peaceful around it. It's always that we have to go. As you said.

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Christine Chessman: Sweet.

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Ela Law: Get your new Pb. And run for longer. Run faster, lift more weights. I mean fine, if that's what you want to do. But it's so difficult to step away from that, isn't it? And just to enjoy it for the ride.

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Christine Chessman: And it is, you know, we were also talking about that idea of reframing your thoughts around goals, and as I bored you with earlier in terms of movements. I've got a 10 mile run next Sunday. I don't know why, with my husband, and he's been doing lots of training, so he's done 10 miles twice. I have done no more than 6 miles, and I haven't run 6 miles since

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Christine Chessman: November, maybe because I've been ill and busy and knackered, and life, life.

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Ela Law: As us.

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Christine Chessman: Way.

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Christine Chessman: You know. And so I'm

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Christine Chessman: an old Christine would have been thinking, I'm not going to do very well in this race. I'm going to not be as fast as I used to be. I'm gonna you know.

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Christine Chessman: people are going to look at me and think what's happened to her. She's a fitness coach she can't even run, and whereas I am now thinking of as we said, if I finish that 10 mile run, I will be so proud of myself.

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Christine Chessman: Am I? That is the honest truth. That is how I've reframed my thinking, because that is much.

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Ela Law: Pavement to do a 10 mile run

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Christine Chessman: When you haven't done as much training as you usually would.

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Christine Chessman: You might go slower, maybe, than you did 5 years ago. But actually, current circumstances, this is an amazing achievement. If I complete it.

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Ela Law: Yeah, absolutely.

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Christine Chessman: And even if it's, you know, even if I don't complete it, I've done.

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Ela Law: Yes.

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Christine Chessman: I've run sort of for several weeks to think about building up. So for the actual process, I've run a bit further, and I've built up a little bit more so

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Christine Chessman: I should be proud of that, and I've really enjoyed that, etc. Etc. So it's reframing. It's fucking hard to do.

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Christine Chessman: Do you have plastic brains.

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Christine Chessman: And I'm getting more and more away from the fact that feeling bad about myself, if I don't finish a race or a run in a certain time.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: You know what? If it's very freeing?

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Christine Chessman: I'm not. Just

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Christine Chessman: let yourself off the hook and say, Well, why can't I just try and run it and do the best that I can.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, it's almost like the achievement is showing up, isn't it? Like you turned up? You showed up

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Christine Chessman: a hundred percent is the power of showing up. I can't underestimate that, and I think

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Christine Chessman: I always say that to clients showing up, half assing it, show up. Keep showing up that.

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Ela Law: Spoil it.

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Christine Chessman: All about.

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Christine Chessman: Keep doing what you can when.

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Ela Law: Yeah, when you can. Yeah, it reminds me of something that I I don't know. If you know Elizabeth Day, she's

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Ela Law: got a fabulous podcast how to fail. I love it. I don't know if it was in that or breath. Best friend therapy. But she said something about running because she used to run, and she absolutely hated it, but she thought it would be really good for her, and you know, and then someone said to her, Why don't you just run for fun? And she said that blew my mind, and ever since then she's been running

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Ela Law: just for fun.

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Christine Chessman: Some.

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Ela Law: That's 10 min sometimes it's half an hour, hardly ever longer, and she says, I run now at my pace, depending on my daily situation depending on the weather. I run, and I just enjoy it, and it was just a complete turnaround for her, and she loves it now. So I think it kind of ties in with what you said about

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Ela Law: making it something that you enjoy showing up, but also understanding that today is not the day, and allowing yourself giving yourself permission to stop when you need to stop.

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Christine Chessman: And not beating yourself up because you're you know. If today isn't the day you still got out there, give it a go and.

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Ela Law: Okay.

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Christine Chessman: You know. Okay, great. So you you stopped before you thought you would. That doesn't matter. You still got out there and tried it.

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Ela Law: Yeah, yeah, Joshua, Woolridge said. I don't know if you saw his reel recently, he said, you have unconditional permission to quit.

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Ela Law: Yeah, even if you bought a diet program, even if you bought a Gym membership, if you are not, if it's not helping you, if it's not supporting you, if you feel bad about yourself, you have complete permission to quit it. And I love that because I think

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Ela Law: that's really important. We're not failing when we quit something, especially if it's something that it's not good for us, or it's not actually giving us any sort of

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Ela Law: I don't know making us feel better about ourselves.

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Christine Chessman: I think I love him. He's fantastic, but what I would say is, what if people are listening to this and going? Oh, so we just shouldn't have any goals, and we're just half up.

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Ela Law: No, that's not what was.

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Christine Chessman: Hi.

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Christine Chessman: that is not what we're saying. And I'm actually, if you come to one of my boot camps you'll know that I do have a.

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Ela Law: Good.

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Christine Chessman: On and off switch. So it's about challenging yourself to the point that you want to challenge yourself on any given day. So, and it's about kind of showing up as you are not looking around, not comparing yourself to the previous you or to the person next to you, but actually thinking today. I really want to go for it. Brilliant. I will

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Christine Chessman: celebrate you and cheer you up the whole way. So it is not. And if you do have a goal like you really want to climb a mountain, or you really want to raise lots of money for charity and do a half. Marathon.

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Christine Chessman: I'll be your cheerleader every step of the way. But it is. If you don't manage to do that half, Marathon. This is what we're saying. It's okay.

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Ela Law: Okay.

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Christine Chessman: You don't have to beat yourself up if you just can't do it if you try, and you're just not able to do it. That's okay.

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Ela Law: It's okay, too. And it's also okay not to have any of those goals at all. There's no pressure on. Oh, I need to have a goal. Otherwise I'm failing and setting goals. I think, yeah, it's about stepping away from this all or nothing. You know

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Ela Law: anything. It's you that makes the decision, what's good for you? And if that is setting a goal to climb a mountain, great probably helps to do a little bit of practice for.

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Christine Chessman: Undred percent. You gotta practice. Yeah.

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Ela Law: You know. But if you don't ever want to climb a mountain, if that's not something that you want to do, there's no need for you to set a goal to do it.

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Christine Chessman: You know, when I would say that I would recommend people sort of

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Christine Chessman: there's never a need to move. But look at movement. People could look at. Movement is if they are struggling with injury, with mobility issues. All of that. There is so much that you can do in really simple ways.

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Christine Chessman: To make yourself move more freely and feel better in your bodies. That is, definitely

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Christine Chessman: that's that would could be a goal just to feel better in your body, or to move a little bit more freely.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: And again.

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Ela Law: Absolutely.

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Christine Chessman: That's enough.

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Christine Chessman: and it's not measurable by any measuring stick. But it's these little tiny wins. When you find that you can get up the floor a little bit easier than you could last year. Things like that massive wins absolutely. So what are we saying in a nutshell.

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Ela Law: Oh, in a nutshell, or you're asking the wrong person. I'm not a nutshelly kind of girl, I think what we're saying is that it's okay to set goals, if that is what you want, and if it helps you motivate yourself to do something. What we're also saying is, you don't have to set any goals, and that a goal could be the journey rather than a shiny object at the end. What would you say.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, I totally back you up on that. I think everybody's different. Some people are more goal driven.

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Christine Chessman: And it actually really helps them to set short term medium term long term goals, and to do their strava, and to do all of their GPS. All of that.

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Christine Chessman: But hold these goals lightly. So

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Christine Chessman: life gets in the way as it has a tendency to do. You know, we live in this world. We have families, we have pets, we have weather, we have new stuff going on in the world. We get ill, hold these goals lightly, and the last thing we need to do is beat ourselves up. If for some reason we're not able for those goals at this point in time.

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Ela Law: 100%.

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Christine Chessman: And it's that negative self talk which can be so

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Christine Chessman: stressful and damaging for ourselves and for health. So it's maybe this is the year. We just try and speak a bit kinder

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Christine Chessman: ourselves.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: I read this, I read this post on Instagram that you know our voice. We're going to hear our own voice more than anybody. Any other voice in the world.

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Christine Chessman: And if we're constantly critiquing ourselves that seeps in to your brain, you know. But if we start talking to ourselves in a nice way, that also.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: So it's.

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Ela Law: That is so true, and it's both the kind of audible voice. When we talk to people about ourselves. It's very easy to sort of talk about ourselves, and negatively, especially at this time of year, where everyone goes on about how much weight they put on, and that they need to sort themselves out. That's sort of audible, but also the sort of talk that's internal.

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Ela Law: I would. I would add that in there as well, the kind of internal voice.

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Christine Chessman: Is it a British thing, Ella? Given that you're not originally British? You're kind of well, you would still say you're German, wouldn't you? Even though you've lived here for.

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Ela Law: Yeah, I would call myself European.

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Christine Chessman: European. I like that. That's really I like that.

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Ela Law: I know right.

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Christine Chessman: Much of a.

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Ela Law: Show.

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Christine Chessman: But if somebody said to you, Oh, you look really lovely today, would you go? Oh, no, I don't. I'm so exhausted I haven't slept, or would you go? Oh, thanks.

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Ela Law: Well, do you know what I used to be? The former? And now I'm the latter. If someone says.

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Ela Law: Yeah, yeah, unless I you know I'm having. I'm having a bad day. I might just

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Ela Law: come back with something sarcastic. But it's just me, I think. Yeah, if someone says that, you just say thanks and move on, because obviously they're saying something. They're trying to be kind. You got to take that with a bit of caution, because, you know, there's a lot of people talking about. Oh, you look great. Have you lost weight? That's another podcast for another day. But you kind of got to be a little bit careful. I try not to make comments about people's looks so much anymore.

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Ela Law: Because I it's such a such a slippery slope, isn't it? And.

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Christine Chessman: There's sometimes I'll see a friend, and they have a sparkle in them.

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Christine Chessman: Hello! I I will absolutely say.

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Ela Law: That's lovely, though. That's a lovely thing to say.

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Christine Chessman: I will never direct it about somebody's body, because that is not what we do, and that is not what we're here for, and I will preach. I will die on that hill, saying, Do not talk about people's body.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: And that we will do another podcast on that. But yeah, we should thank you.

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Christine Chessman: It's absolutely fine to give ourselves

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Christine Chessman: compliments about. You know if we've got a nice new dress on or coat, you know. It's lovely to say, oh, I love that coat.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, just about trying to what I was asking with that is that the general British, if you can.

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Christine Chessman: Swipe everybody with the same brush.

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Christine Chessman: Is that we go? Oh, no, this is an old I've had this for years.

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Ela Law: It's like.

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Christine Chessman: Oh, your hair looks nice! Oh, I haven't washed it!

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Christine Chessman: You never!

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Christine Chessman: You know it's not, you know, just going thanks. And you know, and actually believing.

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Christine Chessman: Because we believe the bad stuff. If somebody says you look awful, we believe that immediately. That says we look well or we look somebody it used to be. If somebody said to me, You look well, I think.

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Christine Chessman: Have I put wit on.

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Ela Law: Oh, right straight brain.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah.

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Ela Law: Goes to that place. Wow!

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Christine Chessman: And and I think it is just about having reframing how we speak to ourselves and accepting that. If if somebody wants to say nice things about us that that might be true, what they're saying.

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Ela Law: Yeah, imagine that. Hey.

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Christine Chessman: And then, you know, and if we do cause, it's so easy. If there's 1 negative comment, 20 positive. Which one are you gonna focus on?

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Ela Law: Of course, the negative straight in there. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because it kind of it confirms our negative.

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Ela Law: So bias, doesn't it? It really does. It's just all the fears are. Oh, we might not look very good. And then one person says something. That's why I always my back always goes up when someone says, Oh, you look tired.

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Ela Law: I hate that, because there's literally nothing I can do about my dark circles. I have tried, and I do look tired a lot of the time, but it doesn't mean that I am, and it also doesn't mean that I want to hear it. Thank you.

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Christine Chessman: I I get this thing so mid-afternoon I always look knackered. I just have this thing every day. I look exhausted by

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Christine Chessman: I look great in the morning, and then I look absolutely knackered at 3 Pm. And people just go. Oh, you look! You look really exhausted.

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Ela Law: Don't need to say that to people, do you.

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Christine Chessman: Why? Why would you.

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Ela Law: Exactly what's the point of that. If someone is tired they're feeling shit, anyway.

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Christine Chessman: I know.

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Ela Law: And if they're not, if they actually felt quite good about themselves, and someone comes along and says, Oh, you look knackered, that just is oh, no.

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Christine Chessman: No. So it's about building up our inner resolve that we can go.

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Christine Chessman: I'm fine, but thank you for.

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Christine Chessman: Paying attention to me.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: yeah, it's just. And I think, you know, that's we'll definitely do more podcasts throughout the year. But for now, yeah.

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Christine Chessman: I am just going to wish everybody a Happy New Year and be gentle with yourselves in 2025. That is my parting word.

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Christine Chessman: What about you. What is your finish?

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Ela Law: Oh, do I need a parting word as well? I don't have a parting word. I'll just. I'll just say what you say, because that was beautiful, I would agree with that. Just be gentle with yourself.

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Ela Law: kind to yourself.

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Christine Chessman: Tough fight. There.

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Ela Law: It really is.

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Christine Chessman: And lots of love everybody, and we will see you next week for another installment of a good week.

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Ela Law: Bye.