Body Image Disruptors - They Happen to Everyone (and They Suck!)

Christine and I had a really honest conversation about body image disruptors and how we deal with them. Disclaimer: we don't have a 'one-size-fits-all' solution for you! But we are here to validate that they happen to almost everyone, that they suck, and that they can really knock you sideways.

It's so hard to avoid comparing yourself to others, to avoid absorbing images that portray 'the ideal body', and to accept your here-and-now body. We get it, we hear it, we hear you!

AND, whilst body image disruptors are a (sucky) part of life, we also want to share with you the tools and strategies that help us to not to get dragged into negative thought spirals when we encounter them. 

We'd love to hear from you with strategies that worked for you - what snaps you out of the disrupted state? What tools work in what situation? What are your main triggers?

We hope this episode helps validate your experiences with negative body image, and that it gives you hope that they don't have to define you and how you feel about your body.

Look after yourselves, much love, E&C xx

Please reach out if you would like some support with your relationship to food OR movement. Ela currently has limited spaces for Intuitive Eating coaching and if you'd like to reconnect with movement, contact Christine.

AND if you enjoyed this episode, please share and follow the 'Find Your Strong podcast' and if you have time, write us a short review. It would honestly mean the world. Love to you all, Ela & Christine x

Transcript

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Christine Chessman: Welcome! We didn't decide who was going to say welcome, Ella.

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Ela Law: Well, you, you just took that decision right out of hand.

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Ela Law: I do like it when you start, because I never know what to say, other than hiding.

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Christine Chessman: I mean, who knows what to say?

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Ela Law: No, it didn't matter.

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Christine Chessman: I think we've got a topic that's… yeah, I mean, it's very of the moment, as in both of us have experienced this ourselves over the last week, and it is body image disruptions, or disruptors. I think that's what they're called, isn't it?

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Ela Law: Yeah, I think so.

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Christine Chessman: And it basically means a trigger.

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Christine Chessman: that… so you might be feeling, oh, I'm feeling quite good, I'm feeling myself, I'm, you know, I'm okay at the minute, not worrying about my body, or how I look, or how I'm perceived by the outside world, and then all of a sudden you catch yourself in a mirror.

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Christine Chessman: Or, you know, like me, you go get your haircut, and you have to sit in front of this massive mirror in the harshest light you've ever seen, and you're like, oh, I've got.

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Ela Law: I do that.

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Christine Chessman: I can't understand. And then I'm like, oh, do I look… is that really how I look? Do I have that many wrinkles? It's like, what is going on? So it is a blight, and which can then set you back.

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Christine Chessman: And we can talk about it later, but I am prone to body checking, or I've had body dysmorphia in the past, and it's something that I have stepped away from, but I can be easily drawn back into if I don't really be mindful of that. So that's something… over to you, Ella.

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Ela Law: Yeah, I think… I'd like to find a person who…

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Ela Law: doesn't have those body image disruptors, ever. I think there is,

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Ela Law: There are degrees as to how, triggering they are to every individual.

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Ela Law: But I think it's almost impossible in our society not to have them, because of what we are

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Ela Law: What we're led to believe is the right way to look, the right weight to have,

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Ela Law: whether that is in your face, and very overtly or covertly through the people we see, say, on telly, on social media, and even those people, I bet you any money, have those moments where they look at themselves and like, oh, holy shit.

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Ela Law: And I, I have… I've, you know, some, some, someone,

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Ela Law: Some people listening might have seen a post that I posted last week, where I… I've just got to share this now. I went to a little dance fit class, having… having a great time, been incredibly awful at the steps, and I was just having a fun… having a laugh, having a little jig, and, I just caught a glimpse in the window of myself.

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Ela Law: And apart from the complete lack of rhythm, I also thought, oh my god, I look massive.

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Ela Law: And I've not really…

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Ela Law: I don't… I don't… sort of… I try not to body check too much, but I… that… that took me by surprise, because I was having a good time. There wasn't anything in my head that thought, oh, I need to check out what I look like. And it kind of got me in that moment, and I thought, oh, okay. So…

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Ela Law: what am I gonna do about it? I also noticed how my clothes felt in that moment.

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Ela Law: And I noticed that before as well, I tried to sort of put it out of my mind.

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Ela Law: But they felt tight. They felt tighter than they had before. And that, combined with that glimpse in the window, kind of made me think, oh, okay. And then I had a moment where I thought.

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Ela Law: Well, at least I'm moving.

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Ela Law: Yeah, so, yeah, I'm moving, I'm burning calories. And then I had a thought, okay, I might not have dinner.

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Ela Law: And then, I reined it back in, and I thought, no, what are you talking about? You're gonna have dinner, because you will be hungry after this. And also, the movement is for fun, it's not for losing weight. And it… it never has been, it never was meant to be.

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Ela Law: But I had those thoughts, I had that in that moment. That was sort of an initial jump.

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Ela Law: And I thought that was really interesting, to kind of notice that.

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Christine Chessman: I think… I think it's interesting, also, because you are somebody in a straight-sized body, but you were like, I… I feel massive, or I look massive to you, obviously. That was, at that moment in time, that was your perspective.

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Christine Chessman: I think that's… it's really helpful to anybody listening, because, yeah, we are not gurus, and I think we've always said that.

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Christine Chessman: In a non-Tony Robbins way of not being your guru, we are definitely not your guru.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, I think that's really brave of you to kind of share it, because it is a…

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Christine Chessman: the fact that you considered, oh, I'm not gonna have dinner, or I'm gonna… How much time did it take for your brain to go.

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Christine Chessman: this is bollocks, you know, sold that. I'm gonna do… gonna take care of myself, and…

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Christine Chessman: How long did it take you to rein in, in real time, to rein those thoughts in?

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Ela Law: Hmm.

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Christine Chessman: Get back.

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Ela Law: Yeah, I mean, luckily, it was very quick. The next song came on, and I had other things to think about, so we… we moved from one dance step to another, and I was like, oh, holy shit, I need to… I need to do that. So it didn't take long, but I think that is only because I've been practicing this for a while, and…

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Ela Law: It's sort of…

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Ela Law: made me realize that I am… actually, it was an interesting experience, because it made me realize that I'm not immune to those thoughts, and I'm not someone who's sort of above it all. I get them…

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Ela Law: all the time, but I sort of come to a place where…

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Ela Law: I can accept that they're there, And then move on.

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Ela Law: rather than go into, I need to fix this.

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Ela Law: uncomfortable feeling that I'm getting from the experience I've just had. That probably would have been me a few years back. I would have probably come up with a plan, you know, how am I going to fix this?

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Ela Law: And now I am practicing to allow that thought and that, sort of.

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Ela Law: response to be there without actually necessarily doing anything about it. So, yeah, I think… Because… Goodbye.

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Christine Chessman: This is what Marie Campos calls body image distress, where you're feeling uncomfortable, and it's that kind of knowing that there is nothing to fix. That's a really…

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Christine Chessman: Being able to accept that is difficult when in the moment you're feeling that stress.

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Ela Law: Hoteling.

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Christine Chessman: But the distress doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your body.

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Christine Chessman: Or is there anything needing to be fixed? And the only thing needing to be fixed, why… what is… what is… what needs to be fixed? But that's only based on somebody's…

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Christine Chessman: Definition of what okay is.

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Christine Chessman: And that's not a definition that I want to spend my life aspiring towards, because it is gonna just waste your life.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Never gonna win.

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Ela Law: No, exactly that. I mean, it's what we discussed with Stephanie Michelle when she was on, that there is, you know, there's two things, two truths at the same time. Yes, that feels uncomfortable, seeing that reflection in the mirror, and…

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Ela Law: that… the thought that kind of originates from seeing your reflection, that feels uncomfortable. And…

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Ela Law: it doesn't mean I have to do anything about it, it doesn't mean I have to fix anything, and my body is good as it is.

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Ela Law: Even though I can't dance. In my sense. But yeah.

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Christine Chessman: There's… there's glimmers that I get even in the… I call them the darker times, when I kind of get absorbed into these, where the disruptors really do disrupt me.

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Christine Chessman: But there's seconds within that that I see as real positives, because even if we were thinking about your nervous system when you're kind of really activated, or you're in the more kind of flat stage, where you're kind of low and everything. I can feel these glimmers of…

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Christine Chessman: actually, wouldn't it be nice if I just didn't have to change anything, or I didn't have to worry? Like, wouldn't it be nice if I didn't have to worry about wrinkles or cellulite?

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Ela Law: Because you don't!

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Christine Chessman: Actually, the idea of not having to worry about that and being okay.

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Christine Chessman: Seems… wow, that's amazing.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: I mean, it just… that's a lovely thing to actually conceptualize, do you know what I mean?

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Ela Law: Absolutely. It reminds me of something a client said to me, in a session last week. Let me just see if I can get that… she read it in a book somewhere, and it was a question that she… she actually used and asked herself, which is.

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Ela Law: How would you… what would you be doing, or what would you be?

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Ela Law: if there wasn't anything wrong with you, because a lot of us think, oh, there's something wrong with us. Be that our looks, be that because, you know, we have these really high expectations of what would you be

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Ela Law: What would be…

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Ela Law: happening for you, if there was nothing wrong with you, and I loved that, I thought that was such a powerful question, because it opens that glimpse that you just described of, well, maybe there isn't anything wrong with me. Maybe there is…

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Ela Law: everything is fine, everything is okay, and for a lot of us, it's just glimpses, but I think holding onto those glimpses is really, really important, because that tells you it's not a black or white situation, it is not everything is shit all the time.

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Ela Law: It's like, actually, no, I've got moments of feeling fine, feeling okay.

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Christine Chessman: But it's… yeah, and it is… the fact is…

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Christine Chessman: even if you were to hit, you know, go lose lots of weight, something else… so this is what happens with me. If I feel like, oh, I'm feeling quite good in my body at the moment, oh, what's wrong with my hair? What's wrong with my wrinkles, what's… oh, my eyebrows are awful, oh, I need to get my teeth whitened, oh, and there is always something

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Christine Chessman: If you're gonna go down that path, there is never not gonna be anything to fix.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: You know what I mean? It's, it's our age, as we…

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Christine Chessman: get older, there's going to be more and more wrinkles on your face, and there's gonna be more sagginess, because that is life, and that is the joy of life, and I think it's the way, kind of older people in this society are viewed, which is disgraceful, and it's not the same in other cultures. It's kind of…

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Christine Chessman: almost, oh, bespoke. You know, it's kind of, like, not as valuable, or just sort of, let's put them over there, whereas they're kind of the matriarchs and patriarchs of societies in many cultures, and really.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: respected and held in high esteem, do you know what I mean? Whereas…

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: In this society, all we're doing is trying to not look like we're aging.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Why?

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Ela Law: It's mad, isn't it? It's a privilege to be getting older, isn't it? I don't know. It's…

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Christine Chessman: It's not… life is not easy. I think life is not easy, but I heard this great quote, that pain… no, suffering is pain plus resistance. So it is almost… you resist the fact that you're getting older, that you're gonna have wrinkles. So, you know, I kind of… looking in the mirror today, I was like.

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Christine Chessman: Well, why haven't my eyes got so many lines now? I've got proper crow's feet? And then I thought, but I'm 50, I'm literally 50 in a couple of months. What do I expect?

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Ela Law: Well, you've been smiling a lot! You've been having fun.

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Christine Chessman: This is what I mean, do you know what I mean?

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Ela Law: No.

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Christine Chessman: I can't expect to have…

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Ela Law: like, to look the same as I looked when I was 20 or 30. Oh.

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Christine Chessman: I'm no longer that age.

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Ela Law: Exactly, and I think it's hard to embrace that. I just want to go back to something you said, and we said, off-mic earlier, about the nervous system, and I think you're absolutely bang on. I think it is so important to… to understand how much that plays a role in how quickly you recover from any body image disruptors, or whether it drags you down a rabbit hole, and I think…

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Ela Law: I just want to ask you, how do you, when things like that happen, how do you look after yourself, and what do you do to not…

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Ela Law: spiral, and what kind of nervous system, work do you do that helps you? Is there anything that you, sort of.

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Ela Law: In your toolkit that you use.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, I mean, I think it's really hard in the moment, so I find it, depending on how I'm feeling.

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Christine Chessman: It's very hard in the moment to actually go to those tools.

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Ela Law: Hmm.

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Christine Chessman: But once you do, then it's… because I thought today I had one, a little disruptor, and then I thought.

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Christine Chessman: I'll go and sit in the garden and just listen to, you know, do a bit of tapping, or I'll listen to a nice meditation. But I just spent the time

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Christine Chessman: worrying about, you know, going, actually, I'm keeping, like, looking in the mirror, and then… so, and that's… I know that's dysregulated, because I know, like, hold on, Christine. So, I caught myself, and I'm like, right, make yourself a cup of coffee, you're gonna take your mug, I got my Lucy mug, which is my inner critic, Lucy. I know Lucy from Charlie Brown.

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Christine Chessman: Got that from… Sharon Salzberg uses that, so I've got an inner critic in my head, so I'm gonna sit with her. So I made myself a coffee, and then just, like, sat down with Lucy, and I'm like, what is going on with you?

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Ela Law: How about it. I'm happy.

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Christine Chessman: Then I had to teach a class, so I kind of just had to…

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: That's the hardest thing. When I'm in that zone, it's very hard to pull it out and be present with other people, but .

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, I think that.

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Ela Law: I love that question, that what is wrong with you? I think there's nothing wrong with you, but maybe what is going on? Because there will be other things that are going on at the same time, and sometimes I think we ignore that. We just focus on, oh, we've had this really bad body image thought.

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Ela Law: But maybe that only happened because we just had an argument with somebody, or we're stressed because we have 500 billion things to do, or, you know, we really just rather want to sit in the garden and not teach a class. You know, there's all sorts of different things that could be going on for you.

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Ela Law: that… I always say it's not about the food, but it's often also not about the body, it's often about something else, but the body is the scapegoat, and it kind of…

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Ela Law: Just sort of, you know, jams us off track, when, you know, when we're feeling a little bit vulnerable anyway.

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Christine Chessman: And it's like… it's almost like a coping mechanism in itself, isn't it? Because it's… we're… by focusing in on our body, we're not worrying about that bigger thing.

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Ela Law: Exactly.

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Christine Chessman: That actually is quite… is serious, or is… do you know… do you know what I mean?

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Christine Chessman: Your actual… how your body looks, how many wrinkles you have is not…

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Ela Law: It's not life or death. No.

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Christine Chessman: That's where your brand goes, because it almost thinks, this is familiar.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: That's too scary to think about.

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Christine Chessman: air.

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Christine Chessman: This feels really uncomfortable, and can end up then becoming a problem in itself.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Do you know what I mean? So taking you away from being present, and taking you away from actually…

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Christine Chessman: Yeah.

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Ela Law: It's interesting, because I think you're right, I think it's a distraction from the actual issue at hand. And also, what you said earlier about what was interesting is how you can sort of transfer, you know, if you're feeling okay about your body, you transfer it to, oh, my face looks wrinkly, or my hair's not great today, or, you know, I look tired, or whatever, you can trans…

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Ela Law: transfer those kind of thoughts onto anything. And it just shows you how your brain works, and always wants to find something.

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Ela Law: To distract from the other thing that's going on.

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Christine Chessman: Do you know the funniest thing, and I think this is so true.

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Christine Chessman: when I wasn't worrying about wrinkles, I never saw them when I looked in the mirror, I just saw what was wrong with the body, you know?

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Christine Chessman: They're too big, or this is too big.

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Christine Chessman: And now that I'm kind of feeling okay about my body, the only thing I see in the mirror is the wrinkles. The only thing I can see are those wrinkles. And the only thing I can see in other people down… walking down the street is their wrinkles. And it's like your brain just homes in. And it's completely ridiculous, because when I wasn't thinking about them, I didn't even notice them.

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Ela Law: Nope.

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Christine Chessman: Didn't even bother me at all.

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Ela Law: It's bizarre, isn't it, how your brain goes…

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, and I want to normalize that for people.

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Ela Law: Hmm.

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Christine Chessman: What we're trying to say is that there's a way… there's not a way to stop these thoughts coming, because we're socialized to think that we should look a certain way, which is crap. So they're going to keep coming, but we can stop the spiral.

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Christine Chessman: You know, not every time immediately, but we can…

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Christine Chessman: Find our own toolkit to stop that, which can be really helpful.

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Ela Law: Definitely, definitely. I often find that, prevention is better than sort of trying to, as you said, when you're in that moment, it's really hard to

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Ela Law: pick out the right tool to deal with it, and sometimes it's just not feasible. You might be at work, you might be in a situation where you can't just take 10 minutes out and meditate. It's not always… it's not always an option. But what I find really helps, the people that I worked with, and myself, is to practice those tools and using those tools when you don't need to use them. So…

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Ela Law: You know, practicing regulating your nervous system.

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Ela Law: On a daily basis is… is gonna be really helpful, because your nervous system will be…

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Ela Law: Less likely triggered into fight or flight.

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Ela Law: if it's already starting on a calm foundation, does that make sense? So, I think if you are working on reducing your stress level and calming your nervous system on a regular basis.

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Ela Law: Having those triggers might just momentarily flare up, or some sort of fight-or-flight danger response, but because you've trained your nervous system to be in a

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Ela Law: calm, relaxed state most of the time. It can…

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Ela Law: come down again quite quickly. It's almost sort of… it knows what to do, whereas if you're always on high alert, and everything is a trigger, and everything tells you, oh, there's danger ahead, you might then spiral with those thoughts, and it might just, you know, take over.

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Ela Law: I think. Yeah, and I think you are spot on. The only thing… the only caveat I put in there is if you have ADHD.

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Christine Chessman: might have a, you know, it's that kind of doing your homework, like, two weeks before you need to. Yeah.

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Ela Law: no. It's not gonna happen.

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Christine Chessman: So is that kind of, oh, deadline-driven, or…

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Ela Law: Bye.

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Christine Chessman: oh, I'm feeling bad, I better do some nervous system regulation. So I think you'd have to build in some timers, or some sort of system.

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Ela Law: Right.

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Christine Chessman: If you do have a neurodivergent brain where you struggle with that routine.

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Christine Chessman: Because that's quite… I think you're spot on with that, and I think it's… prevention is definitely better.

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Ela Law: So, with an ADHD brain, what would you say might be helpful, then? As you said, setting timers, factoring it in, but that might not always… your brain might not always like that, so…

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Christine Chessman: Knowing that, as Stephanie Michelle says, you don't have to have a formal practice.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Literally, and I listened to a podcast with Deb Dana, who does.

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Ela Law: Oh, yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Polyvagal theory, and she was talking about these glimmers that literally, even in the midst of an absolute fight or flight, or real activation of your nervous system.

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Christine Chessman: And you're in sympathetic mode, survival mode, panic, well, you can still notice things. You know, some… you might taste a coffee and go, oh, that's amazing, or you might see a flora that's beautiful, or you… you… that is still possible, even when you're in this state. So it's trying to look to notice.

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Christine Chessman: Just look around and try and notice something that you…

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Christine Chessman: You like, or that, you know, look at the sea, look at the hills, look at the…

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Christine Chessman: sky, look at… do you know what I mean? Look at a pet. Anything like that, so you don't need a lot of time out. You can just literally look around your room and think, or really like, if you've got a film poster, really like that film, or…

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Ela Law: Do you know what I mean, anything that is…

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Christine Chessman: Just gonna find that little glimmer somewhere.

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Ela Law: Yeah, yeah, because it snaps your brain out of that spiral, doesn't it? It distracts it, even just momentarily, but it really… yeah, that's… I love that so much, I think that's great. It's a bit like the,

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Ela Law: that, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 thing where you do 5 things you see, 4 things you touch, that sort of thing. It really works because it takes you out of that…

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Ela Law: thought spiral, that anxiety, that negativity, because it distracts you, but your brain can't do two things at the same time. It just can't, so having…

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Ela Law: moving to a different thing, to a different thought, to a different… whatever you notice. I love that, that's brilliant. What was the podcast?

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Christine Chessman: I don't know, it was just Deb, Dana… oh, it was Deb, Dana, and Sharon Saltzberg.

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Ela Law: Oh, wow.

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Christine Chessman: A polyvagal theory.

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Ela Law: Yeah, really interesting. I think Deb Dana is teaching one of the modules. I've just, joined a course on somatic, work.

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Ela Law: It's not the one Stephanie Michelle talked about, because that is a huge commitment, and also very expensive, so I just thought I'd see how I get on, but Deb Dana's teaching one of the modules on polyvagal theory, I think.

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Ela Law: That's what she said, which I find is really interesting. She said, if you are not… so there's that ventral vagal state, which is when you're kind of social, safe and social, when you're feeling safe, and…

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Christine Chessman: And she was kind of making the point that you can't really hold space for your clients if you're not in that space. So if you're in an activated state, they're not going to seem safe around you. I was like, bloody hell.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: I'm often… I mean, I'm in the ventral vagal a lot with clients, but I'm also in that…

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Christine Chessman: a bit, sort of, activated state where I'm masking, masking, masking, because I don't want to waste their time, and I want them to have a regular session.

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Christine Chessman: it was like, oh, so I really need to take care of my nervous system, because I want my clients to, above all, feel safe with me. That is the kind of key value that I…

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Yes.

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Christine Chessman: Fantastic. We'll put, a link to her in the show notes as well.

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Ela Law: Yeah, please do. I will definitely click on that. I would love to listen to that.

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Christine Chessman: But do you notice, Ella having a daughter, do you notice that she has any disruptors, or is she quite… if you don't want to talk about your daughter.

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Ela Law: No, no, I'm happy to.

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Ela Law: Does she have any disruptors? I'm sure she does, she's very… I think her and her peers are very…

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Ela Law: It's a very different generation, but they're very, hyper-focused on…

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Ela Law: what they look like. She spends ages doing makeup that looks like she's not wearing makeup, that sort of thing, you know, that sort of look that's quite popular. And at the same time, she seems quite comfortable in her own skin, but I think…

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Ela Law: I don't know. I know that she has got friends with eating disorders, and I know that she has people in her peer group that,

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Ela Law: that are really focused on what they look like, what they wear, how they present themselves. They're very self-conscious in that sense, and I would say she's probably less self-conscious than some of them, but I'm sure she has those disruptors. I mean, you've got two girls, you will have noticed that as well with your two.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, no, I mean, with…

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Christine Chessman: I think, yeah, as you say, it's a different generation, and there's lots of makeup, and lots of contouring and concealer.

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Ela Law: And selfies.

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Christine Chessman: selfies. Yeah, I'm like, my girls are very different from each other.

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Ela Law: It's…

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Christine Chessman: So, yeah, and I can see the times. I can see the times when the disruptions come up, especially for my youngest daughter, you know, and it's… it's that time when you see her just looking in a mirror for that second too long, where she's… you can see she's being really critical of herself.

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Christine Chessman: Or it's the selfie that it's… you know, if you look in her phone and there's just a million selfies, because she's trying to find…

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Christine Chessman: You know, herself in a light that actually looks good, and you can… or a school photo, that can be a sponsor, and they're always awful.

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Christine Chessman: Are we sure didn't?

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Christine Chessman: Sorry if you're a sports photographer, I apologize for a few.

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Ela Law: So some of them are really nice. My daughter got her three, copies back, and she was okay with one of them, and she said, I look constipated in all of the others. That was her description of her photos.

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Christine Chessman: I think our school, just do one. You just get one.

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Ela Law: Oh, right, okay, one shot, that's it, done.

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Christine Chessman: I think the main disruptor are the other kids in the.

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Ela Law: Come on.

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Christine Chessman: So the other kids that say, oh, you look better when you were this, or, oh, she's got really round cheeks, or, oh, your nose is big. I mean, Mia's been told her nose is big, and I'll tell you what, she's got the best qualities of me.

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Christine Chessman: And that does not include a big nose. She's got a beautiful nose that I would have paid good money for on my team.

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Christine Chessman: But for some reason, you know, people…

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Ela Law: Kids in school are mean, and they just… they like to just give abuse for no reason, and it is…

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Christine Chessman: I think it's, you know, if they're trying to get attention and all of that, and that is very hard to bat away when you are a…

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Ela Law: kid who struggles with body image anyway. Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: Yeah, I think there's… there's many disruptors for our teens out there. I think social media, massive, massive, massive, massive disruptors.

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Christine Chessman: You know, shows, there's so many shows with your gorgeous…

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Christine Chessman: you know, teens, flawless teens, which wasn't the case when we were growing up. I remember hoping away, I remember people looking kind of what.

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Ela Law: Oh, great.

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Christine Chessman: But everybody else looking quite normal.

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Christine Chessman: You know what I mean?

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Ela Law: Yeah, yeah, you don't see that much at all, do you? And I get eye rolls, but I continue to point it out that they don't look like real people.

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Ela Law: And I've… what I've noticed also is that there's so many young people… I mean, they… obviously, I don't check their passports to see how old they are, but they can't be older than 20, with lip fillers, with cheek fillers, with the eyebrows, and the eyelashes, and the… all of that.

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Ela Law: at an age where you think, wow, that's very young, and I think that probably comes from…

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Ela Law: Comments from the disruptors, from seeing people on social media and films and programs that they watch.

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Christine Chessman: It's, I mean, and there's never any judgment there, I've just been sad for… Something that they have to…

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Christine Chessman: To change their face.

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Ela Law: You know?

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Christine Chessman: fair.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: So, how are we saying? Because you know us, we could ramble on for…

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Ela Law: Yeah, we can. I don't know, I don't… to be honest with you, Christine, I don't know what we're saying, because, you know, we haven't got the…

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Ela Law: the holy grail of, this is what you need to do, but I think what I would say is that practicing being compassionate to yourself when you have those thoughts, practicing things ahead of when

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Ela Law: You know, you have those disruptors looking after your nervous system beforehand, so that you have tools that

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Ela Law: can drag you back to a place that feels safe when you have those disruptors. And also, actually, what we said right at the beginning, understanding that those disruptors are normal, but they don't… you don't have to attach meaning to them, you don't have to…

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Ela Law: Act on them.

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Christine Chessman: And, you know, I'll give… for those that aren't that versed in, kind of, nervous system stuff, because we've talked a lot about that, a very, sort of, basic example is, like, my daughter in the morning can't find her shoes. I'm fine, I'm all calm and lovely, and then my daughter can't find her shoes, and she's panicking, so immediately I'm like.

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Christine Chessman: And I literally… the heartbeat starts going, and it's a panic. It's a panic situation, it's not a, oh, that's… I'll just come and help you look for your shoes.

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Christine Chessman: I can tell, oh, I'm really activated, I'm really kind of in that fight-or-flight panic, what are we gonna do? And there's other times where you can be really flat, and there's other times that you can be in that nice, safe, and social… So it is trying to recognize where you are.

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Ela Law: So, we're using movement, so sometimes I need activating, so if I'm feeling really flat and low.

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Christine Chessman: I want an energizing workout. If I'm feeling like that.

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Christine Chessman: sometimes I need to slow it down.

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Ela Law: Yeah.

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Christine Chessman: And, you know, do a bit of yoga, or just…

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Christine Chessman: You know, not wrong, because that actually makes things a little bit more…

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Christine Chessman: So it's recognizing that within yourself is a really good start.

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Ela Law: Yeah, that's really helpful, actually. And also, that kind of is the same as… not the same, but it sort of leads into the what else is going on, so that…

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Ela Law: you understand, you know, where are you, what level of activation are you at, and that can help you to understand why you might have been so triggered by a thought or something, whatever it is.

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Ela Law: And understanding what you need in that moment.

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Christine Chessman: And I think knowing that it's not… your body is not the problem.

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Ela Law: No.

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Christine Chessman: We can say that over and over, because that's true. It's not the problem.

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Ela Law: Never the problem.

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Christine Chessman: So just maybe think, be kind to yourself, see what else is going on for you, and know that the thoughts are natural, that it's totally okay, we all have them, and it's just because we're a product of the society we live in, and it's not our fault, basically.

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Ela Law: Nope.

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Christine Chessman: They do pass, you know, ring a friend, take a walk, do something nice for yourself, have a latte.

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Christine Chessman: Or just, just find, you know, get off your phone. You know, looking at the news at the minute is highly activating for all of us. That doesn't mean we shouldn't be informed 100% we should, but we need breaks from it.

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Christine Chessman: And just, yeah, just being really kind to yourself, I think, Elda.

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Ela Law: Yeah, absolutely.

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Ela Law: That's our wisdom for you. There you go.

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Christine Chessman: It's completely normal, we experience them.

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Christine Chessman: And it is just about knowing

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Christine Chessman: that there are… there are things that you can do that'll make you feel a bit better, and it's never you. It's not your body, it's not your face, it's not your wrinkles, it's not you.

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Ela Law: It's not you.

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Christine Chessman: Nothing to fix, you've nothing to fix.

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Ela Law: Exactly that.

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Christine Chessman: Well, we are very excited to have Bethany Rutter next week.

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Ela Law: Okay.

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Christine Chessman: I'm author and PT extraordinaire. I adore Bethany's books, and she writes for young adults.

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Christine Chessman: But she got me reading again, and I'm very grateful to her.

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Ela Law: You are a young adult, aren't you? So, there you go.

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Christine Chessman: Anymore, darling.

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Ela Law: No, you are. You're as young as you want to be.

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Christine Chessman: We're gonna have her on the podcast next week, and I'm really very excited to talk to her, so watch this list, and come and join us next week, in the meantime…

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Ela Law: Hello! Take care!